As the old saying goes: good fences make for good neighbors. The idea is that if you want to maintain a good relationship with the folks next door, you’ll establish clear boundaries. If the borders aren’t clear, it becomes too easy for parties to make a nuisance of themselves.
When you get down to it, boundaries are important. Without them, people have to imagine what they should expect from you and figure out what’s acceptable behavior. Most of the time it’s not going to be a problem—until it is.
Pastors are notoriously bad at setting boundaries because they don’t want others to perceive them as rigid, discourteous, or unaccommodating. But the truth is that clear boundaries make for healthier congregational relationships, a better work environment, and ultimately help shield you from burnout.
If you’re not sure where to start setting boundaries, here are three suggestions:
1. Establish a clear understanding of your job description.
Everyone has a different idea about what a pastor is supposed to be doing. Some people expect you to keep regular office hours, some people expect you to be out in the community every waking hour, and others expect you to be available to take a phone call from them no matter what time it is. The difficulty lies in the fact that you have no idea what the expectations are until you don’t meet them.
It’s helpful to sit down with your church leadership and carefully define what your ministry looks like. This also helps you set expectations of others. In addition to defining what each church leadership role entails, you can also identify what ministry goals you have for congregants. There are people with pastoral gifts in your congregation. How can you equip them to minister too? Ultimately, defining and communicating your intentions helps others understand what they can expect from your ministry.
It’s not helpful to have boundaries that no one can see. Clearly defining the expectations of your job is a significant first step to setting boundaries.
2. Keep focusing on the goal.
The goal of pastoral ministry is to move people toward spiritual maturity. So while we care for and support them, we also instruct them and help them develop as followers of Christ. You don’t want everyone to constantly rely upon you for everything. You want to be moving them toward interdependence, where they become reliant upon each other. Sometimes this means prompting them to move in directions that they’re uncomfortable or unhappy with.
A wise parent knows that by doing for their child what the child can do for themselves, they are creating a dependent. You cannot care for everyone all of the time, and it’s egotistical to act like you can. Instead, help congregants look to each other within the church community. Pushing people out of their comfort zones or not responding to every felt need might frustrate them, but it’s ultimately the best thing for them.
It’s important to regularly remind yourself that their happiness isn’t your ultimate goal—their maturity is.
3. Practice observing a Sabbath.
God established a rhythm to life. There are seasons for producing fruit, and there are seasons for abiding. There are times for work and times for rest. Even farmers are expected to let the land enjoy a Sabbath.
It seems that if you want to be productive, you will make time for rest.
You need one day a week when you can recharge without being disturbed. You shouldn’t feel guilty for taking a day to be “off the clock,” turning your phone off, and pursuing habits that feed your soul. In fact, you should consider it an expectation.
Boundaries are essential.
The purpose of boundaries isn’t just to stop you from being taken advantage of—they make it so much easier to be productive. Once you’ve defined what is in and out of bounds for you, both you and your ministry can flourish.
